


Need a Light

by endemictoearth



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-28
Updated: 2014-02-28
Packaged: 2018-04-08 12:07:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4304379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endemictoearth/pseuds/endemictoearth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was written before Liam became a love triangle plot trope. Set early in Series 2, after Rae and Finn have broken up, Finn and Liam have a little heart-to-heart. This was inspired by an Anonymous prompt on Tumblr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Need a Light

He’s been avoiding the common room. Doesn’t want to run into Rae; doesn’t want to be pestered by his fan club; doesn’t really want to be anywhere, but never mind. 

Slipping out the side door after History class, he finds an alcove and leans back into it, feeling protected, unseen. He lights a cigarette. Not a rollie; he bought a pack of B & H the other day. Still, even without the ceremony of taking out the paper, the pouch of tobacco, feeling the dried leaves between his fingers, wetting the paper with his tongue, even without all that, it’s calming to light up and drag that poison into his lungs. 

He’s just lit up when a hulking figure rounds the corner and stops in surprise. It’s that weird kid, Liam, who he’s seen hanging out with Rae. Finn freezes and Liam starts to move off to another secluded spot, when Finn clears his throat. His brain had clearly worked out the equation faster than he could realize there was something to be calculated. “You’re welcome to stay, if this is your spot.”

Liam stops and pivots back, his eyebrow raised. He shrugs and backtracks, leans on the wall a few feet from Finn and lights up his own cigarette. “Haven’t seen you out here smokin’. Just pick up the habit?” Liam smirks as he lifts his cigarette to his lips. 

“Nah, I used to smoke, but quit for a bit.”

Liam exhales a plume of smoke. “Somethin’ happen to make ya start up again?”

Finn shrugs and shifts against the wall, bringing his leg up and bracing his foot on the bricks. “I s’pose.” He sighs. “My girlfriend broke up with me.”

“No shit?”

“Yeah. You know her. Rae Earl.”

Both of Liam’s eyebrows shoot up at this. “Rae? I had heard a rumor … not that I take much stock in the ramblings of the proletariat. But, that does explain some things.”

“What things?”

Liam waves his hand. “Not important. She broke up with you, huh?” 

Finn exhales a sigh that is a little on the shaky side. “Yeah.” Another sigh. “Yeah.”

“This is so interesting to me! She give you a reason?”

Finn furrows his brow. “No. Just, said she wanted to be friends and ran off.”

“Didja ask her to give you a reason? Y’know, later?”

“No. We haven’t really … I figured if she wanted me to know why, she’d’ve told me.”

Liam smirks at this. “And you can’t think of any reason she’d wanna break up with you? Right?”

“No! That’s not what I’m gettin’ at. I mean, I’m not … I dunno, I just thought … oh, fuck it.” Finn flicks his cigarette butt on the ground and fishes another one from the pack, lighting it. Maybe he should just walk away.

“You know what your problem is?” Liam asks.

Finn’s hackles go up at this. Why does this guy think he can make a judgement based on five minute’s conversation? He kind of wants to shove him into the brick wall and walk away, but instead he just takes another drag and shakes his head.

“You’re too serious, mate. It’s not all life or death. Have a little fun.”

It’s not life or death? thinks Finn. Oh, God. Liam could be right. But he’s never felt this intense rush of feeling with anyone else before; it actually does feel like life and death to him. It was like, when he was with her he felt alive and when she was gone it was like he was … maybe not dead, but dormant. Waiting for her to return, like Spring. And Winter was long and cold … he couldn’t see an end in sight. He didn’t know if he’d ever be warm again. And, as far as having fun, he wasn’t exactly Mr. Witty Funtimes before falling in love with Rae and having her crush his soul. 

“You’re gonna blow a gasket; don’t think so much.” Liam 

Was this kid a mind reader? What the fuck?

“It’s just—I thought things were goin’ pretty good. I just wish she’d told me why.”

“Can’t believe you needed an explanation. It’s clear as day to everyone else.”

“What d’ya mean?”

“You two aren’t exactly factory standard. You’re not a matched set. You draw attention, and that’s the last thing Rae wants.”

“Has she told you this?”

“Not outright, no, but she doesn’t hafta. It’s obvious. She’s … got certain issues. I dunno all their names or what meds she’s on, but she’s not a simple lass. You can’t just stare into her eyes and whisper sweet nothings. She wouldn’t believe ‘em, anyway, because she doesn’t …”

“Doesn’t what?”

“From what I’ve worked out, she doesn’t think she deserves to be looked at, OR have sweetness whispered at her. Those issues? They run deep. I’ve got some demons meself, but …”

Finn’s breath catches in his chest. What if … are they?

“Are you two … ?” he breathes.

“What? No. No-no-no. We’re … friends. Sort of. We understand each other better than most.”

Shit. That sounds worse than if they were going out. It sounds … special. Intimate. Finn wants to be the one to understand Rae better than most. He thought he was that, but apparently not. 

“Oh, God. Listen, mate. She doesn’t dig me. I don’t dig her. We just have some issues in common. She’s a good laugh, though a bit hung up on stuff for my liking.” Liam finishes his cigarette and throws it on the pavement, grinding it with the toe of his boot. He starts to push off when Finn says, “Is she okay? Like, does she seem … happy?”

Liam rubs his chin thoughtfully. “I wouldn’t say ‘happy’, no. In fact, she seems like she’s avoidin’ somethin’. Or someone. But I think she’s better than she’s been, from what I can gather. If that makes any sense to ya.”

Finn nods slowly, though he’s still not sure what to make of all this.

Liam starts to walk away, and Finn yells for him to wait. 

“Yeah, mate?”

“Just, if you get the chance, or I ever come up, tell her … oh, fuck. I dunno. Tell her I probably miss her.”

“Probably?”

“Definitely, but I don’t wanna … Just tell her I seem like a good bloke. I mean, if you think you can say that.”

Liam pauses and the amused look on his face is replaced for one second by a serious one. “Yeah, mate. I think I can say that.”


End file.
